Nearly midnight. I was crying a few minutes ago, “smoke the day’s last cigarette”, and thinking of my whole life. I get some answers from my boyfriend: I’m an unreliable person, who doesn’t wants to move with him, and I alwas just promise, promise, and do not change anything, so on.

But there was a moment when I were at the wedding… My own wedding was in my mind.. Two years ago I was the happiest woman in the world, and now I’m a wreck. My anno husband left me without any rationale.. Total night-crying through a month, and a huge decision: I won’t think about him.. Never. It was enough. He wasn’t deserve me, happy (?) end.

Now, got a boyfriend with much more problems, he always hurt me.. Every week since one year… Every week. But requires moving, always be together, etc. And he doesn’t understand: I’m not able to move, because I’M AFRAID. I’m afraid of any bigger failure.. I would like to move with him, but the fear about the fall.. It’s not so easy for me.

He talks about our once wedding, but no… I can say not yet…. I’m unable thinking of this, I wouldn’t like to hear any idea of a wedding.

V. almost left me tonight………..